yabanip

yet another blog about nothing in particular

Feb 13, 2006

Quotes from Jordan's biography

On men:
Yes, yes, yes! I thought to myself kissing him back. I loved the fact that his body hair was kept to a minimum – we’re talking back, crack and sack. And as he took off his boxers revealing his trimmed pubic hair, I thought…perfect. Because I can’t stand hairy balls! As we all know, girls, it’s better off – and if you don’t admit that, you’re in denial.

On romance:
He handed me a Burberry teddy bear with a diamond ring on its paw, got down on one knee, and asked me to marry him.

On geography:
I could hardly believe my eyes as we arrived. Geography was never my strongest point but I hadn’t realized that Venice is surrounded by water and has canals instead of roads!

On competition:
‘I’m not stupid’ I shouted back [at Javine]. ‘I’m successful without Eurovision and all you’ll ever be is a one hit wonder!”
“You’ve got a classy bird there,” she muttered to Pete.
“Yes I am classy, you one hit wonder!” And for good measure I added “Fuck off, slag!” I was so angry.

On preparing to give birth:
I’d St Tropayed myself, so I was a lovely golden colour, my eyebrows had been done and my hair had been blow-dried straight. The nurse had told me I might need to shave down there but I replied, “Don’t worry, it’s as bald as a badger!” I always keep it hair-free because of my pink love-heart tattoo.

On the hard part of giving birth:
Pete cut the umbilical cord. I chose this magical moment to be sick. Bollocks, I thought, I’ve been sick on my hair. Now it’s going to stink and go curly.

tags: funny, book, celebrity, stupidity

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found your blog from a link to the Ricky Gervais podcasts (thanks for making them available, BTW), and clicked on this post b/c I thought this was the autobiography of "Michael Jordan"!

I guess not.

February 21, 2006 at 7:59:00 PM GMT  
Blogger kam said...

Nope this is Jordan the British "model"/"celebrity" AKA Katie Price.

February 21, 2006 at 11:41:00 PM GMT  
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